Reduce Social Anxiety Without Forcing
Yourself Into Awkward Situations

My social anxiety began when I was 11/12 years old. And it got progressively worse. Around age 16, when girls came into the picture, I felt anxious in almost all social situations.

Life was depressing. I saw myself as the biggest loser. I was deeply ashamed of myself and desperately wanted to prove myself not to be a loser.

In social situations, it felt like people wanted me to look foolish and become embarrassed. Which was one of my biggest fears: People seeing me embarrassed, awkward, anxious.

I didn’t want them to laugh at me, look down on me, pity me, or think of me as weak.

As a result of these insecurities, I had this tough exterior shell. I tried hard to ‘be cool’. But that shell resulted in me not being able to connect with others. I could actually give off the impression I was fine, most of the time but inside, I was deeply insecure, anxious and uncomfortable.

I was so anxious in some conversations that it was near impossible to actually listen to what someone was saying. Often my heart was beating fast and I felt so anxious that I totally lost whatever was said. Or worse, what I myself was saying!

In conversations, I was trying to say the right things at the right time, and avoid saying something stupid.

But it was really hard.

When I went to an event that I couldn’t get out of (a birthday party, work outing, hang out with friends), I’d come home exhausted. Trying to control the way I came across -making people believe I was fine- took a lot out of me.  It drained me.

So because they weren’t enjoyable, I started to avoid most of the difficult social situations.

And then, when NOT in a social situation, there was my mind constantly attacking me. I was constantly worrying about my “reputation”. Doom-thinking about the future. Criticizing and judging myself (and others), and making up worst-case scenarios (and then fearing it would happen).

This nonsense was constantly occupying my mind. And I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t control it.

Long story short, life was really tough.

Can you relate?

I suffered from severe social anxiety for nearly 15 years.

To resolve it, I tried facing some of my worst fears (from to approaching women to public speaking, and from purposefully getting myself rejected to purposefully embarrassing myself)…

… and got really disappointing results.

I feared I’d have to live with my social anxiety for the rest of my life.

In 2006, my desperate search for solutions led me to finding EFT tapping. This powerful emotional release technique turned out to be the key to my transformation. This scientifically proven to be effective technique quickly releases negative emotions. And limiting beliefs.

Hard to believe, perhaps. At least for me, it triggered my bullshit alarm.

How can something as silly as tapping on your face and body work?

My initial thought was that it was some kind of scam. But it actually turned out to be an incredibly powerful technique to become more socially confident. With it I could release the shame, insecurity, and anxiety I felt… (you’ll learn all about tapping and how to use it to overcome SA during the challenge).

Using tapping, and the help of some brilliant therapists, I eventually managed to overcome my social anxiety completely.

I’ve now been at ease socially for years. Which is pretty damn amazing if you know where I had to come from…

I’m now present and in the moment. Eye contact is natural. I connect effortlessly. And I actually enjoy socializing. Whereas it used to drain me, it now nourishes me. I look forward to it.  I have a lot of fun with friends. I easily interact with “strangers”. And I’ve even become a Latin dancer, and have danced all over the world now.

Something unimaginable if you’d seen me 15 years ago…

Socializing has now become something normal and automatic. Effortless. I don’t have to think of what to say. I don’t worry about running out of things to say. I simply feel calm and at ease being myself.

This definitely didn’t happen overnight. It was a gradual process that required a lot of persistence. But it’s so been worth it...

In 2009, I had made significant progress. I was a lot less anxious. And I decided I was ready to start coaching others to overcome their social anxiety. In hindsight, I wasn’t exactly a great coach…

But thanks to EFT’s power, my clients still got significant reductions of their social anxiety. Since I wasn’t totally socially at ease myself and because my clients also didn’t fully overcome their social anxiety I kept studying tapping.

And trauma. And personal development. And psychology. Neuroscience. NLP. And basically anything and everything I could get my hands on to improve.

I’ve since received over 600 coaching, therapy, and supervision sessions. And I’ve spent over $120 000,- on being coached and mentored by the best I could find. I have been (and am) working with my own level coach on a weekly basis. For over 10 years. And I work on a bi-weekly basis with my psychotherapist mentor since 2014.

I mention this to let you know that I haven’t just discovered tapping and quickly put a 30-day challenge together. This isn’t your typical ‘somewhat helpful challenge’.

This challenge is created to be life-changing for you.

It contains the best of the best of nearly 2 decades absorbed in Social Anxiety Solutions:

You’ll discover the 5 stages from social anxiety to social confidence. I share 'The 3 Golden Keys To Effortless Social Ease' (yes, it rhymes). And best of all, you’re supported along with thousands of others on your #JourneyToSocialConfidence.

Together we work towards that goal, one simple step at a time.

Jan 1st can be the start of a whole new life for you. One with more ease, confidence, and joy. Connection. And fun.

Join us!

Seb

As one of the top 10% most researched therapies, EFT’s proven efficacy is backed by over 125 peer-reviewed studies, published in peer-reviewed journals.

EFT meets the standards for evidence based treatments set by the American Psychological Association. And META analyses (the highest standard of scientific research) demonstrate it is highly effective for treating anxiety, trauma, anxiety, PTSD, public speaking anxiety, phobias, and more.

As one of the top 10% most researched therapies, EFT’s proven efficacy is backed by over 125 peer-reviewed studies, published in prestigious journals.

Explore the research here (click the links):

"EFT is an evidence-based practice" (American Psychological Association)

META-Analysis: EFT for PTSD

All studies done to date on EFT website

And if want it summarized and simplified, I walk you through it 
in this video. It’s super inspiring.

It’s not a placebo (you don’t have to believe in it, and it still works). And it is exceptionally powerful when it comes to releasing anxiety. 

As you can see in this video:

Quick story.

When I first tried the tapping technique (that you’ll learn and  experience during the challenge), it actually didn’t work.

But I had seen so many testimonials, read on forums about it, and seen experts transform people’s issues right on screen…

… so I was determined to make it work for me.

But despite that ‘thump-my-chest-self-motivation’ I also felt scared.

“What if it works for others, but not for me?”

“What if I’m just too messed up?"

That fear stuck with me for months, as I tried and tried but got no real results. I thought I felt a little better bt nothing like the profound changes I had seen on the training DVD’s of the technique.

When I got back to Holland (I’m Dutch, but found out about EFT tapping when I was working for IBM in South Africa) I called a tapping practitioner who invited me to his workshop.

I was actually scared to go. I had been building up so much hope and was thinking “if this doesn’t work, I’m fu*ked”…

I still ended up going, and had my world rocked (I’ll share what happened in day #1 of the challenge).

But I’m sharing this with you because sometimes people rather not take action on something that might work for them out of fear it doesn’t.

And while I totally get that kind of thinking, it would be such a shame for you to miss out on this opportunity.

Here are some people who had similar thoughts, but decided to go for it anyway:

Hope this inspires you to get started!

Will it work for you?

There’s only one to find out.

How about giving it a committed try?

I’ll be glad for you join us (you can be totally anonymous, if you prefer)

Seb

After the last challenge, I sent out a survey to our participants. I asked them why they thought nearly 40% of the people who signed up didn’t start the challenge.

Here are some of the replies:

“They probably think there’s some hidden cost”

“They might feel that something is not alright”

“They thought they gonna paid to get access to some features”

“It seems too good to be true”

So let me reassure you:

The 30 day challenge is completely F R E E.

I’m giving you the best I can within 30 days.

And it will rock your world. It’s nothing like you’ve ever experienced, anywhere, ever.

It’s also an introduction to my work, and the kinds of results I can help create, yes. And if you were to decide to need additional assistance after 30 days, this is available. At a cost.

I believe in “results first”. Because that way, you can make a well-informed decision about whether additional support is of interest to you.

So these 30 days there is no selling whatsoever. This is completely focused on getting you the best results in just one month.

Another answer I got from the survey said this:

“Since it’s free it must not be that great, right?”

Let me answer that too:

I could wrap this challenge up and sell it as a $500 program and it would be totally worth it.

Here’s a quick comment about this (we had 3044 comments last challenge!):





PS I’ve poured my heart into this challenge. I really hope you give it a try. It’s time we shift the perception of what it takes to overcome social anxiety. Join us on #TheJourneyToSocialConfidence

It’s rare that someone believes they are ‘an easy case’.

Maybe 20% of the clients I’ve worked with in over a decade say their social anxiety isn’t as bad as they heard other’s anxiety is.

The rest believes they’re a tough case!

So you’re not alone.

However, it might very well be true. I cannot tell, of course. But I can tell you that almost everyone believes ‘it won’t work for me’. That’s both true the ‘easier cases’ and the so-called “tough cases”.

Now it is really depressing to think this way. But what’s even worse is that this way of thinking stops most people from giving (new) things a committed try.

After all, if you believe it won’t work anyway, why bother?

So let me share a few thoughts with you.

First of all, believing 'it won’t work for me' makes total sense when nothing you try resolves your issue… doesn’t it?

In the beginning, when I tried overcoming my social anxiety I was convinced “I’ll overcome it!”.

I was very passionate about it, read all the self-help ‘you can do it’ literature. I was doing empowering affirmations. My room was full of inspiring quotes about courage, conquering fear, being your best self, and so on.

I was super motivated. But when I forced myself to do things that were supposed to help - and they didn’t, it freaked me out.

“What if I have to live this way for the rest of my life?”

I thought more effort, trying harder, would be the solution. But I got the same disappointing results.

Now despair began to set in.

And my hope to overcome it was only minimal. A faint flicker in the background.

But living with such intense social anxiety was unacceptable. So I kept going’s despite the despair.

Eventually things began turning in the right direction once I found tapping.

I can assure you, having lived with despair for nearly a decade, I know what it feels like. Very scary, depressing, and terrifying.

But it makes sense that when the ‘experts’ say ‘this will work’ and you try it and it doesn’t work… you become skeptical. The pain of another disappointment is something to avoid.

Of course.

And yet…

If you never try anything new because you generalize everything to be something that “won’t work for me anyway”

…

What if that is the exact thing that keeps you from ever making a positive change in your life?

And, what if not all strategies are the same?

What if not all techniques are the same?

What if some are more powerful than others?

And would it be possible that some techniques and strategies work better for you than others?

…

I’m asking you to consider the possibility that there might be hope for you. To live the life you want and deserve. To feel at ease being YOU.

Because in reality, all that’s in the way of that is some childhood baggage, some painful life experiences, and some limiting beliefs.

After all, you’re not born anxious.


Since you’ve never tried THIS strategy, and it that has worked for countless others…

… what if this could work for you too?

We’re getting started Jan 1st.

Hope you’ll join us.

Seb

PS When I used to say to my coach "it just seems too good to be true"...

... she'd reply "What if this is too good NOT to be true?"

Ponder that 😉

I don’t know about you, but I’m not a big fan of doing things that are boring. Same goes for things that are really hard. And I especially hate what universally sucks: Putting in effort and not getting any promised results.

Boring + hard + no results —> NO ACTION.

It’s why I did so poorly in school!

When something is interesting, easy, and gets me results, however…

… I’m in!

Interesting + ease + results —> MASSIVE ACTION!

That’s why I’ve designed the 30 day challenge to provide exactly that. And based upon feedback from the last one, I think it went alright.





I’m very happy I can provide this for you.

Because you can feel so hopeless and desperate when you have to do things that are really hard… That also don’t get any (lasting) results!

That’s what happened for me.

I faced my worst fears to try to overcome my social anxiety. And if they had indeed helped me beat it… I’d probably now be writing: “you MUST face your fears!”

But that’s is NOT MY MESSAGE TO YOU AT ALL.

Why not?

Because facing my worst fears (I’ll share some of the crazy stories inside the challenge) only gave me a temporary boost of confidence. Within a few days, my confidence was gone, and I felt super anxious and insecure again.

Now forcing myself to face my fears was hard. And that’s an understatement. I mean, I couldn’t sleep days in advance of my ‘exposures’. They were absolutely gut-wrenchingly horrible to do.

But I did them.

Because I expected it would help. After all, every piece of literature told me it was the only way out of my fear. And all these inspirational quotes are all about facing your fears. And getting outside of your freakin comfort zone…

So, I did it. And it was hard. And it sucked.  And results were poor (the heard-earned confidence left after a few days).

So, I looked for other ways.

The technique I eventually found after 5, 6 years of trying just about anything on the market (affirmations, Tony Robbins, NLP, hypnosis, timeline therapy, changing my thoughts, journaling, rehearsing conversations, social skills training, deep breathing, visualization, all the self-help books and tapes on confidence available, etc etc etc)

… changed my life. Cheesy statement, I know.

I could ‘do it’ and actually let go of my fears, worries, and anxiety. I felt so empowered now that I could actually DO something. And once I learned how to use it properly, it wasn't hard at all.

The most challenging thing was that I experienced negative emotions. But hey - I felt them in the comfort of my own home. So it was easy to deal with. Plus, when they came up, I simply kept tapping and in a short time, they would subside.

This is the power of tapping :-)

This 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge is done from your own home. You’re not asked to go high five strangers, do push-ups in public, call out bus stops out loud, approach strangers, or any of that other 'face your fear' stuff.

Instead, we powerfully address your INNER psychology.

We release your emotions and shifts your limiting beliefs. And we do this because your social anxiety problem is an ‘inside job’.

It’s not a total walk in the park. Don’t get me wrong. It requires effort, persistence, dedication, and working through emotional ups- and downs.

But, this is an actual practical way to get rid of your anxiety.

It might take some time. It won’t happen overnight. And even by the end of the 30 days, you’re likely not totally social anxiety free.

BUT - you can make profound, life-changing progress within 30 days. All it takes is reading a daily email. And following along with a simple exercise on video.

15-30min/day.

All done from home!

Plus, you’ll learn about fascinating new concepts. You get to understand your social anxiety better than 99% of the psychologists out there. And you’ll actually get more control over your mental and emotional well being.

Many people commented that they ENJOYED the challenge. And that they don't normally finish any challenges, but now they did.

Here:





I’ve done my best to make it entertaining. And interesting.  And above all, something that gets you RESULTS.

Day by day, you’re going to feel more and more empowered. And the feeling that you can and will overcome your social anxiety will grow, bit by bit, day by day.

Jan 1st we launch! Join us!

Seb

Did you know that most people struggle to get lasting changes?

And I’m not just talking about overcoming social anxiety here. Think of how many people want to reach their ideal weight or start their own business. Or get into a relationship. Or stop smoking…

… and fail miserably.

The reality of the situation is that certain change simply isn’t easy. But that it’s not easy is actually not the thing that stops people.

Nope.

What is it then?

It’s their psychology!

As famous personal development Guru Tony Robbins says:

“Success is 20% work and 80% psychology”

So if you don’t get your psychology right, guess what…

You won’t lose the weight.
You won’t stop smoking.
You won’t get into a relationship.

… and you indeed won’t overcome your social anxiety.

But here the good news:

You can change your psychology about change.

Yes, a bit of an odd sentence. But that is what I intended to write.

See, there’s a whole psychology behind change. To create lasting change, you need to understand your thinking, feeling, and behavior during a desired transformation.

A wrong mindset can lead to failure.

I’ll give you a simple example…

Say that you believe change is linear.

You start to take action and expects things to get better. When you take more action, things should get even better. And then when you take even more action, things would get even better. And so on.

Until you’ve reached your goal. It’s a popular belief and expectation.

But when you’d experience a “setback”, you might talk to yourself like this:

“OMG, I knew this was too good to be true. See, now I’m back to square one. This too doesn’t work for me. I’m just a tough case. There’s something wrong with me. I’m just broken and nothing works for me”.

And guess what that leads to?

That’s right, you’d likely give up. Or at the very least be a lot less motivated to continue. The reality of the situation however is that change is not linear.

In fact, the #JourneyToSocialConfidence is an up-and-down journey.

You make some progress. Then you plateau for a bit. Then you feel a tiny bit worse. Then you have a little breakthrough. Then you feel a lot better. Then you hit another plateau for a bit. You make some small tiny changes. Then you have another breakthrough.

“Setbacks” are simply part of this up-and-down journey.

Now don’t get me wrong, they really suck in the moment… Because you’ve been doing so much better, and then this!

But they’re actually fantastic ‘healing opportunities’. And nearly always there’s a huge breakthrough after a “setback”.

If you know this, you react very differently when you have a setback. Your self-talk might be something like this:

“OK this really sucks. But I know this is normal. It is just temporary. And it’s part of the ride. Plus, I have the tools to move past it. And once I do, there’s a breakthrough. While this is hard for me, I’ll focus on creating this breakthrough. I can do this.”.

And guess what that mindset does?

See, your psychology about change is essential. I’ll go into a lot more depth about this during the challenge. And I dedicate a whole day to “setbacks”.

I think you’ll like it.

Talk soon,
Seb

Back when I suffered badly I’d spend an hour writing a simple text message. 

“What if I say the wrong thing?”
“Can this be misinterpreted?”
“Do I sound cool?"
“Does this come across needy or lame?”
“Will they get it, or do I need to explain it clearer?”
“Can I send this already, or should I wait?”
“I hope he doesn’t get upset when I write this.”

Etc etc etc. 

And I’ve even debated hitting or not hitting a like button for ages. And then debating afterwards whether or not I made the right decision the whole day!

Madness!

So, I get it if you worry about being seen, heard, or recognized. 

But, you can actually choose to be anonymous. 

No need to use a picture. Only use your first name (or heck, even use a fake name). 

And hey, if you never make any comments, you can participate completely anonymously!

It’s not necessary to make comments.

However, as you read everyone’s experience under the videos, and you can relate… and you go “OMG, these people are just like me, they get me”...

… you might be inspired to participate after all.






And when your social anxiety is really bad, you might bit by bit begin to climb out of your misery…

:-)

Jan 1st we kick off! 

Can you begin to imagine what your life might be like when you’re at ease socially?

🥳

Seb

It’s crazy how many things we’ve got going on these days, isn’t it?

I’m sometimes jealous of my daughter, who just has a couple of simple things going on:

Eat.
Sleep.
Shower, brush, etc
Play.
Play more.
Play again.
30min homework.
Sleep.

Easy life!

Well anyway, as adults we’ve got a lot more on our plates.

Me too.

And if you’re too busy at this time maybe this challenge isn’t for you. There’s another chance next year.

But that’s 365 days from now.

And what if next year you’re again ‘too busy’?

In my life, when I say “no time right now” it might really be true.  But what the actual meaning for me is this:

“This is not important enough for me right now”.

Let me give you an example.

A rather extreme one, but still.  If you got a phone call saying that someone you love is in the hospital. And you need to come to visit right away… Will you say “no sorry, I don’t have the time right now”

Right.

See, where you choose to spend your time is a matter of priority. And I’d like to ask you…

… what would it be like if you make ‘overcoming social anxiety’ your priority?

…

I’m asking this question because I’m hoping you’re willing to consider the possibility of doing so. Because I’m confident that you'll get benefits when you follow along with the simple, good-feeling exercises we do together each day during the challenge… And you will reduce your social anxiety in 30 days.

And, this will improve the quality of your life. And, that improvement is FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!

Now that’s hard to believe I’m sure.

But if even half of what you’re reading in all these testimonials I’m sharing is true…

… wouldn’t it be worth your time? And it’s just roughly 20min a day…

Here’s what happened with some more people, who decided to make the previous challenge a priority:







We’re kicking off 1st Jan!

I’m so excited.

Looking forward to seeing you inside the challenge!

Seb

Struggle to get results with tapping on your social anxiety?

Then this message is for you!

I’m in pre-mode for promoting the upcoming 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge (Jan 1st). And part of prepping is discovering people’s “objections”: Aka reasons not to join.

And then overcoming the objection by sharing the actual truth. 

Here’s one objection:

“EFT tapping doesn’t work for me”

And this one needs to be addressed because while I’ll share amazing insights, techniques mindsets, and strategies…

… ‘tapping’ is the actual thing that brings about real transformation!

Now when people say it doesn’t work for them, it’s usually because they tapped along with a video and didn’t get relief. Or they applied some basic tapping and didn’t feel better. Or, they did get relief, but their social anxiety didn’t reduce. 

And sadly, they went “see, yet another thing that doesn’t work for me”.

What they don’t understand, is that tapping is a skill. And while basic tapping can bring some people relief already, for lots of people with severe social anxiety, basic tapping will do little to nothing. 

Let me state the following truth:

Tapping always works for social anxiety when you apply it in the right way.

This is my experience, based upon 6000+ hours of coaching sessions. Which includes 500+ group coaching sessions (where I help any volunteer reduce their SA in front of the group).

Tapping always works. However, basic tapping doesn’t always work.

That’s why in the beginning of my career I struggled to get results with some clients. Sometimes it didn’t work. And I couldn’t figure out why. I’d worry it would only work for some people. But through continuous learning and supervision, I discovered WHY it sometimes doesn’t work.

There can be obstacles to tapping’s power. Like:

• Subconscious resistance to change
• Fear of change 
• Not getting to the core of the issue
• Blocking beliefs
   

And so on.

Thankfully, there are (tapping) solutions to this. So in other words, if it didn’t work YET, you simply need some more tapping skills. Some more perspective. Some more guidance.

Which we’ll cover in the 30 Day Challenge (which is going to be 100% FREE).

And when you join, you’ll have your world rocked. You’ll see thousands of comments from people underneath the videos each day. Of real people reporting real results with tapping. And, of people sharing their pain and struggle. It’s as real as it gets. And a connection and community is formed over the period of a month. It’s beautiful. It’s changed thousands of lives already.

You’ll get more details down the line. We’re still in prep stage. Stay tuned :-)

Seb

PS You’re not alone in how you feel. You’re experiencing a problem, but it’s not you that is the problem. You have a problem. It’s not who you are. And there really is a way to tackle this issue. It won’t happen overnight, but it really can be addressed. Keep hope.