Could be a car crash. Another example, in 2014, I did a big relief mission in the Philippines. And we worked with the most traumatized victims of the storm there. And so super typhoon Yolanda, the biggest storm ever hit land, wreaked havoc. And then when working with these people, I would be tapping with them. And I'm like, “Alright, what's your elephant in the room, so to speak? What are you focusing on?”

And they’re like, “Oh, it's the sound of the wind” - because it was a howling wind of 320 km/hr. You can only imagine, you know, buildings were blown to pieces. It was rigging crazy.

So that sound was something that was very triggering for him.

So, whenever the wind would pick up again. And when we did that work it was already 4 months after the storm, they remembered that sound of the wind. And as soon as it was somewhat similar to it, they were freaking out and super anxious. So that's an example.

Or the tone of the voice of your dad, the tone of disgust in his voice, or those kinds of things. That's why I put it in there because it can be quite powerful to focus on that specifically.

This is more EFT than intention tapping. But it's still very helpful to focus on that, because it can be very triggering, and very powerful when you let go of that.

Because if you, for example, have a particular and it could also be a specific thing that was said by your mom all the time, right? It could also be that. But usually, they say it in a particular way.

Or it could be the yelling of the people in the house, or my mom and dad screaming at each other, or my mom yelling at me, those kinds of things.

Those are very strong triggers typically for people.

This is another sign of resistance.

When your mind is doing that, it's playing tricks on you, you're trying to do your inner work, but you're like, “Oh, did I put off the stove? And oh, what am I going to eat later? And did I do this, that, and the other?” - That's your mind trying to distract you from the thing that you're working on?

That's something different. If that's the case, then that's perfectly fine. You will then have that be the elephant in the room.

So, say that you're like, “Okay, I want to get rid of my anxiety around my boss”. Okay, so I picked that issue and I'm tuned into it. And I’m like, “What's the elephant in the room?”

“Well, actually, now I'm thinking about other things that I'm worried about with regard to my life. I'm worried about the bills or not getting paid. Am I going to have enough money at the end of the month”, - for example, I'm just saying.

Well, that issue is just bigger for you at that moment in time. And even though you're like, “I really want to get rid of this anxiety around my boss.” - Your system is saying, like, “Yeah, but what about, if you don't have any money at the end of the month, that's going to be a much bigger problem”. So you just go with what's there.

If you want to work on something (a particular issue), you want to be in a place where you're ready to do that.

If you are all over the place, and your friend is taking, you've got lots of worries going on. Okay, first work with what's going on in the moment, skip Step 1, and just start at Step 2 - tune in with “What’s your experience right now?”.

By the way, there's a video that we have for that. You can find that here.

That's what you can do initially. So if you don't feel calm, and if you don't feel centered at the start of wanting to work on a particular issue, first do some of this.
And then once you're more centered, and calm, that's where you can do work on a specific issue.

Another great statement is before you kick off might be “I release all my resistances and aversions to being right here, right now”. Wait for 30 seconds, that can be helpful.

Yes. Perfectly fine. “I release all my emotional attachments to I'm not good enough”. That could be your starting point.

And a little tip, you likely have resistance to letting go of that core belief. So, you might start off with “I release all my resistance and aversions to letting go of this belief that I'm not good enough”.

Wait for 30 seconds.

Then, “I release all my emotional attachments to I'm not good enough”.

Follow the elephant in the process

Yes, it's still in the planning. I have some good news and some bad news.

Some good news is that there are almost a handful of practitioners that are in the process of training themselves. Well, they're not in the process of training themselves, but they have been training in EFT and intention tapping. They've been practicing amongst themselves. They're members of the club. And they we are talking about some kind of a setup, where they might work with some people inside the club at a reduced rate. So that is something interesting that could be coming. That's not confirmed yet, but it seems to be on the horizon. I can't confirm things that are not confirmed.

In terms of the actual training. I'm simply not done with it yet. And that is because I have projects that I think are more important that can help more people at the same time. So, I'm trying to prioritize things in that way. But it is high on the priority list.

That's all I can say about it.

For one, I created a video about meeting new people going to particular environments, I've shared it into here.

In terms of in terms of how you actually use tapping for that is like, well, you struggle with meeting new people, meaning you feel anxiety with meeting new people. So, then you use this 7-step process.

You make that your issue.

Step 1: Meeting new people anxiety
Step 2: Work through it, tune into it.
Step 3: Remember earlier times, imagine it happening in the here and now or visualize it happening next Tuesday. And then notice what's happening in your body.
Step 4: Rate how bad it is - “It's a nine out of 10”
Step 5: What's the elephant in the room? “Well, I'm just shit scared meeting new people”.
Step 6: Aim a statement at it and do 1 round of tapping. “I release all my emotional attachments to I’m shit-scared to new people”
Step 7: Work through all EIRs - repeat Step 5 and 6 until there are no more elephants in the room.

Then eventually, you can think about meeting people in the past, imagining as if right now and future and you feel calm. You have no reactions anymore. You have no strong reactions.

Then, you might imagine how you want it to play out. Or you might write a list of “wouldn't it be nice if…” And that's kind of to help your mind to gear your mind in direction of what you do want? Because we're so obsessed, typically by avoiding what we don't want. So, it will be helpful to write a little bit.

“Wouldn't it be nice if…”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if… I meet people now, and I feel so more comfortable than I've ever felt?”
“Wouldn't be nice if meeting new people is smooth for me?”
“Wouldn't it be nice if when I meet new people, some people I connect with other people's or don't connect with and I'm fine with either?”
“Wouldn't it be nice if I meet new people, and I find a person that I really click with?”

“Wouldn't it be nice if…” t

That's a good start. There might be more to it.

And the other thing is, you want to check out that link here.

So that is kind of like practical advice, how you can make it easier to meet new people. You go to easier environments. And I talk all about what those environments are in that video.

And finally, just one more thing about that, when you meet new people, there needs to be some room for that to be a little bit awkward or a little bit anxiety provoking, or they're there to be a little bit discomfort, that's normal. That's not to say “I experienced it or that everyone experienced it”. But the vast majority of people experiences some anxiety when they meet new people.

I get introduced to people all the time; I'd say more than 60% of the people in the Western world least are quite anxious. They have some anxiety about them.

And so, the difference is that they don't make a big deal out of it. They're used to that. It's like, oh, yeah, I feel some anxiety when I meet new people. And still, I can say hello, my name is this. And they let that happen. And as a result, 30 seconds or a minute later, they're fine. They're comfortable.

It's just, you got to be easy with yourself. In order to be socially at ease. You need to have room for anxiety. It should not be a threat to you anymore.

You can. You don't need to. So, with the meeting new people thing I gave and suggested – it’s an exercise to do, but it's something that you can do as well.

It might be helpful, because how do you feel when you visualize it going positively?

Well, you might find that when you visualize it going positively, you still feel a cringe? Or you still have the thought, “Well, that can't be me, or this is too good to be true, or I don't deserve this”.

Now you've got a bunch more tapping targets.

Generally, yes. This is why I'm sharing with you this simple process. And that will show you how far you can go yourself.

So, for other kinds of issues, you won't be able to get there all the way on your own.

So, for that, you might need to tap along, you might need one on one assistance. And for certain issues, you might need a lot of one-on-one assistance. It just depends. I can't tell what the issue is. But let's see.

This is not directly tied to social anxiety, per se. But for me feeling safe to actually get into a relationship? I just couldn't figure it out by myself. I couldn't see the forest from the trees, I had so many freaking issues. This is a complete maze, and I had to work with a practitioner over many, many months, before I finally started to feel safe. And that was with tapping and top practitioner and all of that.

Sometimes that's just what's required. To help you feel a little bit better about that, perhaps I've been really fucked up. I'm doing this kind of work and in all the people that I've met over the many years coaching, I'm definitely top 3% worst cases, if it's not top 1%. So let that be a solace.

But basically, you start working on a complex issue. And if it's too complex, and you're stuck at some point, that's a clue that you need some outside assistance. And that can be tapping along with a particular webinar, or volunteering or getting one on one.

When in doubt about intention, tapping follows Steve’s advice. He is the founder of intention-based tapping. So, who am I to say how to do it.

But I guess maybe you misinterpreted or I said that in a long time ago. But basically, you focus on whatever the elephant in the room is. And that might be an emotion, but it could also be a thought, could also be a memory, could also be a fantasy, could also be a bodily sensation.

And whatever it is that that elephant in the room is that's what you remain focused on. Then you say the statement and then after you said the statement, you just notice what happens. You don't have to do anything. You don't have to try to control it. You just see what happens.

When you're dealing with lots of resistance, you make resistance your target.
So, select your social anxiety issue = Resistance.

You could start out by “I release all my emotional attachments to all the resistance I have.”

When you feel it, you're already tuned in. Then you can just work with the feelings that you've got in your body.

Or you can go with the thought.

“I don't want to do it”
“I'm not going to do it”
“I refuse to do it”
“ I resist doing it”

That's the elephant in the room.

Not necessarily. Because the positive is actually naturally there, when the negative is resolved. Though, you absolutely can use it, and I might put it in there. But I haven't really put it in there. Because a lot of people get a little bit too excited about coming up with a positive statement. And they try to tap in positive, like, “I'm going to install positive affirmations in my mind, I'm going to install positive beliefs” – that doesn't really work that well.

It becomes more positive once the negative is neutralized.

If you have no negative feelings about meeting new people, then you can go - “I'm open to the possibility that it would be a good time”.

Those kinds of things will be quite hard to come up with positives when you feel negative.

What you can then do is kind of what I said earlier, right down to the top piece of paper, “Wouldn't it be nice if….” and then write down how you would like things to go? Right? And then you can tap on the statements. But I think it's much more helpful to use the time that you have tapping on actually what's triggering the negative feelings. that will that will be more helpful.

Now it might be helpful to have a couple of positive realistic statements about meeting people that you have read, that could help you be more realistic about things.

But I don't have a specific formula or strategy for that in the curriculum per se.

Actually, Patricia Carrington - one of the EFT masters, goes like

“Even though (fill in the problem), I choose to feel what you want instead”

So…

“Even though I feel anxious meeting new people, I choose to feel surprisingly confident meeting new people”

I don't put that in there anymore because I don't find it as effective as just clearing the negative.


They're there anyway. And they're lowering your self-esteem, minimizing your self-acceptance, and cause all sorts of trouble. Mainstream therapeutic techniques can be painful indeed, going over the memories over and over. Tapping releases them gently and effectively, without getting deep into the pain. 

I would start out with exactly that.

“I release all my emotional attachments to everything is social anxiety for me”

And then follow the elephant-in-the-room process.

And you might also think about your parents having social anxiety. And as you think about that, notice what's happening for you. What's the elephant in the room now that you remember your parents having social anxiety? And just work through your triggers there"

“Everything is social anxiety for me" - That's a belief. That should not feel true anymore.

Well, you could follow all the exercises in the club. And while you do, you will slowly but surely build belief, because you will notice that things begin to change.

So that's kind of like a logic thing. When you have been suffering from social anxiety for the longest time, it's difficult to believe that you can overcome it.

But when you notice that things are changing, when you observe other people that describe similar issues as you changing, when you hear reports of it, and when you learn the skills to empower yourself where formerly you were powerless, you're starting to realize, ‘hey, things are moving for me. Things are improving. That's going to be very, very helpful.

So just follow along. Other than that, you might ask yourself, “Do I believe that I can overcome this? If not, why not?”

Whatever your answer is, that's your elephant in the room.

So, “do I believe I can overcome this?” – “No, there's no way”

“I release all my emotional attachments to…no, there's no way”

“Do I believe it now?” – “No”
“Why not?” – “Because I'm just a socially anxious person and it's just not in the cards for me”

“I release all my emotional attachments to… I'm just socially anxious person”

Repeat. Mostly just follow along.

Specific tapping is what you do on a specific issue. You're sitting down. And you're focusing all your attention on working through a particular anxiety issue, meeting new people, blushing anxiety around strangers, anxious when you are next to someone in authority, whatever the case may be, that's focused stepping - you're focusing on clearing all the elephant in the room that make up that issue.

Habit tapping is when you have a particular habit that you're doing, such as watching Netflix or taking a shower, and you just add tapping to it. And you do that in order to get enough tapping into your system. Because more or less, the more tapping you get into your system, the better. There is some limits to that probably you don't want to be tapping 12 hours a day. But a lot of people don't get enough tapping and the adding of tapping to your habits increases the frequency of tapping that you get into your system, and it's like a workout for your energy system. So your general stress level will come down, and your general happy hormones will come up, and you'll be in better balance. That's like going to the gym for your emotions. That's the difference.
. 

No, there are no rules on this. They're just rough guidelines. And those are not perfect, either. This is a very forgiving technique. You fill it in, in the way that you think is best.

One thing I would recommend is a daily habit, a daily minimum of two minutes of tapping, do your two minimum minutes of tapping every single day. Don't give yourself any excuses.

If excuses come up? So what? Do it anyway! Don't tolerate excuses. Do your two minutes of tapping anyway, everyone can do two minutes.

So, if you go to bed at night, and you haven't done your two minutes of tapping, sit up straight and don't allow yourself to lie down until you've gotten your two minutes of tapping. That's how you build a habit.

Then you have a habit at some point. And guess what? When you're doing two minutes of tapping, you're like, well, I've got momentum already. Because the hardest thing is to get momentum. So, when you've got momentum already, you might find that you're tapping for five minutes. Build the habit. Just doing a little bit every day goes a long way.

You can and it works in the same way. Tune into the nightmare. And ‘what am I noticing?’

You could just start with “I release all my emotional attachments to this nightmare”.

‘What are you noticing now?’

Keep going. It's that easy.

Standard new practice - as far as I know. And I am continuously working with Steve, on his programs with intention tapping actually. So I'm relatively well informed.

Let the brief insights appear, wait for 30 seconds, and notice what's happening then.

For example, the elephant in the room has a particular memory.

“I release all my emotional attachments to this memory”

Well, then I just remain focused on this memory. And I just notice what happens.

And then I might have insights and might have thoughts. And sometimes things shift more quickly than other times. I'm giving you a rough guideline of 30 seconds.

But this is just me trying to cater to a whole group. We're all at different levels of skill. And I'm trying to cater to those with the lowest level of skill. If you build up your skill level, you have become more intuitive and sensitive. And you can notice the shifts, and you're like, ah, that intention has done its work already, which can sometimes be in like five seconds.

You don't have to do it. Perfectly. 30 seconds is just a rough guideline.

Say to belief is I'm not good enough. You just go - “I release all my emotional attachments to I'm not good enough”.

You don't have to like as like a hawk, or I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. I'm not good enough. No, you just say a statement. And then you just observe what happens.

It's really simple. You tune in, you focus on the elephant in the room, you say the statement, and you just see what happens.

Yes, there's a waiting period. That's the 30 seconds.

Because I think it's not necessary, most of the time to say all the reasons for X and to reach deeper layers. It's an assumption. Maybe accurate. I don't know.

This is also a technique that's in development. It's continuously evolving.

So, I don't know the real answer to that. We’ll ask Steve.

No, that's not common. This can happen. And if it happens, it's a normal experience for you. And other people have had it, too. I've experienced it as well. But it's very rare. And it may point to something else going on, that you might need to look at with a practitioner.

Also, in the section inside the club called overwhelmed/setback, you find a document that says six rare reasons for feeling worse, check out the document here.

There might be some of these things going on.
For example, there might be things going on, where you're not getting to the core issue, or you might be dealing with resistance, or you might have an identity issue going on. Or you might have a problem with depression. I don't know.

Does neutralizing negative emotions involve letting the emotion run its cycle? Okay, so a lot of the emotions that we experience in the here and now as an adult are excessive negative emotions. So, they're disproportionately strong to the situation at hand.

Many, many years ago, I was so scared of rejection. And I learned ‘Okay, you got to face your fears, right? You got to do the things that you're afraid of like okay, I'm just gonna say hello to people. I'm just gonna give them a friendly nod. And then so go like, hey, and then some people would be like, Hey, back. If I would do Hey, they ignore me, or they looked off or even worse, gave me some kind of a frown or something. I would feel like you help like the world has come to an end - massive feelings of shame and humiliation in my body, and rejection and like nine or 10 out of 10 as a as if, like, my wife said that she had cheated on me like that bad. That's an excessively strong reaction. That's not normal. And so that means that your emotions are totally out of balance. You're reliving the pain of your past. you're responding to a current-day situation with a traumatic response from traumatic emotions that are stuck in the past.

So different kinds of other techniques like embodiment practices, for example, help you to tune into certain emotions, and to allow yourself to feel it fully to let it move through your body. Much more effective than just being in your brain. In my experience, it's even more effective when you add tapping to it. And in my experience, it's even more effective to use intention tapping in many of the other techniques that you're learning here.

But sometimes it's helpful when you're tuning into a particular emotion, to be with that emotion. And to allow it to just complete its cycle in particular, with sadness. You don't want to be so hasty and, in a rush, to let go of sadness, you'd rather just want to be with it, and let it run its course, while you kind of milk it for what it's worth. Because it's a very healing emotion.

The rest of the emotions -

“I release all my emotional attachments to whatever is triggering the emotion”

or

“I restore the right energy flow to whatever the emotion is”.

And then finally, what was the concept involved in making room for the full intensity of emotion?

I think you're alluding to what I said earlier, which was you want to make some room for anxiety if you want to be able to be free of social anxiety.

And by that, I mean negative emotions are part of life. And this, what we're doing here is not to get rid of all negative emotions for the rest of your life, it's not possible, it's to bring them into a better balance. Okay, it's to get rid of excessive negative emotions.

So, so that like, now, if I not the someone that someone doesn't, not back, so what, you know, like, I don't know this person, there's no reaction. Okay, so that's normal. However, if my girlfriend is, you know, if I do something bad to my girlfriend, and my girlfriend's upset with me, guess what, I'm not going to feel very happy, I'm going to have a normal response, that I'm not going to feel so great, because I'm having a conflict too, with, you know, the person that's super important to me, or most people are important people in my life. So, then it's normal to have a bit of a reaction there. It's an abnormal reaction, if that would send me to crying myself to sleep at night, you know, then I'm having an excessive reaction. So, what we're doing is we're bringing things back to balance. And when I say you want to have room for negative emotion, it means that the emotions that you're currently scared of the emotions that you're currently avoiding, means that you become okay with them. So that you become okay with feeling anxious so that you're no longer scared of feeling anxious. So, anxiety is not the enemy. So that you can handle feeling awkwardness, that you're okay with feeling awkwardness so that you're not scared of blushing, so that if you blush, you don't judge yourself, you're okay with whatever feeling you have. And so, we with negative emotions we have, through traumatic experiences and shitty things that happened to us, we've experienced strong emotions, overwhelmingly strong emotions, so we've become scared of them, we don't feel we have the capacity to handle them. And a lot of this work is getting rid of the excessiveness of these emotions, bringing them back to better balance, clearing the fear of it, trusting that you can handle whatever emotion comes up for you trusting that you can handle whatever situation comes up for you, and bringing you back to better mental and emotional well-being. That's all restoring your mental and emotional well-being. s

When you have strong severe social anxiety. You have a social anxiety disorder and are mentally out of whack. That said, it's a temporary thing. It's just like, you know, you’re kind of like 100 pounds overweight. Alright, that's a difficult situation to be in. But you can go to the gym, you can watch your weight, you can do yoga, you can do different kinds of things. Eventually, over time, you will get back into a good healthy shape. But that's what this is about. Right?

Sorry to hear you’re dealing with this. It’s through coming to terms emotionally with what’s going on with your family. You are part of your family, but your family doesn’t define who you are.

Certain things you can tap on and release. Other things require insight and guidance from a therapist. I hope this helps you