If this... then that!

then read this.

then read this.

then go here.

Slow progress is normal!

I get it, you want to change as quickly as possible. But unfortunately, healing cannot be rushed. You can certainly be more efficient in your healing endeavors (I’ll share some tips in just a moment) but ultimately, you go as fast as you go.

You cannot force it.

Certain things simply take some time to heal. Other things take longer to heal. It just is the way it is.

Here are a few tips I personally use to optimize my healing:

Acceptance is King When you are upset about “how slow” you’re going, your upset is actually slowing you down. Whenever you’re in non-acceptance, you’re struggling more than necessary. Acceptance is a recurring theme inside our club, and for a reason: It’s a pre-condition for lasting change. It’s eases suffering. And it makes progress speed up. When in doubt, look to see whether you’re in acceptance or not. If not, do the work to get there. (See the section on ‘if you’re struggling with acceptance, then…' for advice.)

Compassion is Queen This goes hand in hand with ‘acceptance’. Both are soothers. And both are necessary. You cannot beat yourself up and expect it leads to more confidence. It does the opposite! Compassion, on the other hand, boosts your self-esteem. (See the section on
‘if you’re struggling with compassion, then…' for advice.)

Get expert help Our community is a very special place. And it significantly speeds up your journey. I’ve created it to be -and it’s evolving- what I wish was available when I was suffering. But if you can afford it, I recommend also having 1 on 1 sessions with an expert.

Unfortunately, there aren’t many social anxiety experts out there who specialize in energy psychology (I’m working on making this a reality - and you inside the Club will be the first to know once we’ve got our first batch of qualified practitioners) but when you find a great therapist (with lots of experience) who also taps, and has success working with anxiety in general, they can really help you a great deal and speed up your journey.

Tap every day It’s generally better to do 10-15 minutes of focused tapping every day. Because this builds a tapping habit. And when you chip away at the layers of social anxiety each day, you are progressively reducing your issues.

Record progress When you notice progress, it motivates you to do more. Some people fall into the trap of ‘all-or-nothing thinking’:

They think of their goal of social ease and see they’re far from it. Despite the progress they’ve made, they feel bad because they’re not at their goal yet.

Not a smart strategy.

Do this instead:

Notice where you came from. Think back to how bad it was. And how much progress you’ve made. And, keep a notebook of the little and big wins you’ve made. This empowers you to keep going, and helps you feel better on a day-to-day basis.

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then go read and tap along here, and go here.

watch this.

then go here.

then tap along here.

tap along here. And you might want to check out this quick video on the super powerful science backing up EFT. And check out some video testimonials from (former) SC Club members here and from former coaching clients here.

then you can check out the ‘acceptance mindset’ videos. And follow along with these tap alongs. And for a simple acceptance tapping strategy to use all the time, go here and here.

watch this video.

And know that this is an ongoing journey. A journey that is beautiful and continuous to deepen and evolve. It goes way beyond social anxiety, and will improve all areas of your life.

Near the latter part of the SC Club we will dedicate a whole month to it.

Usually, you feel relief during, and after a tapping session. However, it is possible to (temporarily) feel worse.

If that happens, it’s nothing to be worried about. 

It can feel really uncomfortable, but it’s temporary discomfort. It passes.

And, as you work through it, there is a huge reward at the end of it.

It actually doesn’t happen often that you feel worse. 

There are 6 rare reasons that can make you temporary feel worse.

1. Tapping has dissolved dissociation
2. Sadness and regret about time and opportunities wasted
3. Resistance, resistance, resistance!
4. Not getting to the core issue
5. Too much complexity/overwhelm
6. You’re focusing on several issues at a time

In this presentation called 'The 6 Rare Reasons For Feeling Worse', I explained what the likely causes are, and what effective strategies are for in handling the situation gently and effectively. 

So when this happens, remember that it's:

A. Relatively rare

B. Nothing to worry about

C. Provides an opportunity to sharpen your tapping skills

D. Presents a healing opportunity

So, it’s all good. 

When it happens, I suggest starting out by doing the grounding exercises. You find these under core content inside the Club here. These can really calm you down by grounding you in the present moment (where you are safe).

Further, I’m always available on the forum for support when you need it. 

then go here (scroll down to the image of Ben in the bathroom, the image that has the big blue text: ‘1. THE PRESENT’) and here.

then go here

First of all, this isn’t rocket science.

You don’t need to be super precise. Challenges with rating a belief often come from not trusting your own judgment, and being a bit out of touch with your own emotions. Or due to being perfectionistic about it. Or a mix of all of the above!

But it’s all good. It gets easier with practice. And, we can hack it.

Here’s how:

Instead of using numbers, just rate like this:

For emotional intensity:

Strong
Medium
Light
Neutral

Easier, yes?

EFT Master Gwyneth Moss recently taught me her ‘stoplight/traffic light technique’. This makes it even easier, as there are only 3 emotional states to pick from: really bad, a little bad, not bad/fine.

She developed this to get her clients to start tapping in between sessions, because the amount of tapping you do makes a big difference in terms of your results (as you know).

By simplifying it, she successfully got her clients to tap in between sessions.

She told her clients to not worry about the words. That it is the tapping that does the magic. That when they felt bad, they simply should start tapping right away. No matter what they were doing (they could use finger tapping in public).

And that if they felt a little bad, they could make a note to focus on it later.

She used a great analogy of a stoplight, or traffic light (or ‘robot’ as they say in South Africa):

RED LIGHT - which means you’ve got a lot of emotional intensity, and you should be tapping right away. Drop what you’re doing, start tapping. Simply allow the feelings to be there, breathe deeply and slowly, and keep tapping for a few rounds.

ORANGE/YELLOW LIGHT - which means you’ve got medium emotional intensity. You’ve gotten triggered, but you can manage. Make a note to tap on this later.

GREEN - You feel fine.

Easy, right?

Don’t worry so much about intensity. Plenty of world-class practitioners don’t use rating systems anymore. Steve Wells almost never does. Gene Monterastelli doesn’t. My mentor, David Lake, doesn’t. And the list goes on.

Instead, they simply look for relief.

0-10 rating is just a way to gauge where you’re at. So if you find it more difficult to be specific, simply be more general as I outlined above.

Got it?

Now for a belief, you can simply rate:

Strongly true
Kind of true, kind of not true
Not really true
Not true

And to get a good feel for what is absolutely true, vs absolutely false…

Just say out loud:

“My name is ____”

And say your real name.

This is 100% true. That’s what truth feels like.

Now say out loud:

“I live in _____”

And fill in the wrong country or city.

For example, if you live in Holland, say:

“I live in Portugal”

As you’re stating out loud something that is obviously false, notice what that feels like.

Contrast these two with each other: when you make a statement of Truth, and when you say something that is false.

Notice the (subtle) difference.

And voila, now you can better estimate the intensity at which you believe any belief statement.

And, when you still find it hard, that’s OK!

This is just a measurement.

Here’s what else you can do… Say out loud:

“I don’t know how strongly I believe this is, but if I had to guess it’s a___”

And then just blurt out a number. And go with it.

Really, this is the start of beginning to trust your intuition. It’s all good. Go ahead and try this and just be more general, and keep going. 

then go here and here.

then go here.

then go here.

then go here, here and here respectively. And you can tap along with this old video (my first ever) for anxiety in the moment, and this video for anticipatory anxiety.

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then watch this.

then tap along here.

This isn’t a permanent and complete solution. But can bring you (sometimes powerful) relief.

The real solution lies in dealing with the underlying reasons for the fear being there. Which you automatically do as you follow along with ‘the work’ inside the SC Club.

We also have a whole video series dedicated to it. It’s for sale. But as a member of the SCC you can get it significantly cheaper. Only go for this however if you’re really dedicated to this, because it may just lead to overwhelm. It’s 4 x 90min of replay to watch and tap along with. If you’re interested, contact Lia at [email protected]

watch this.

We work through the underlying causes of this within the Club. And this is also something you can bring up during our live webinars, of course. Either while you’re there, or as a request to focus on (you can email Lia for this).

then listen to this podcast. And watch these videos.

And take comfort in knowing that through the SC Club we will be chipping away at these layers of shame. And, we will also assess it specifically, at some point down the line.

watch this.

watch this and this.

watch this.

go here and here. And/or tap along here and here.

watch this.

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I get it. It’s really tough to be nice to yourself when your programming tells you the opposite. When you’ve learned to be hard on yourself, it’s very challenging to stop.

However, it can be done.

And…

A little bit more compassionate = a win.

The more frequently you are compassionate, the easier it becomes.

Ultimately, we want to release the underlying reasons for being hard on yourself. And this is something to work on. It’s a problem to work through. But that’s for another lesson.

For now, let’s focus on the solution: more self-compassion.

I suggest rereading this email I sent out during the 30 day challenge.

And following along with the tap along.

And here’s an example of a ‘compassion mindset’.

“I deal with social anxiety and it sucks. I’ve had a lot of it, for a long time. But I know I’m not born this way. I’ve learned this through what happened. So I’m not a socially anxious person.

Anxiety doesn’t define who I am.

I’m a person who’s got a challenge with anxiety. And I’m choosing to take on this challenge. Which isn’t easy. And sometimes damn hard…

It takes courage to face up to it. And I choose to respect myself for that.

This difficult challenge I’ve got creates a lot of suffering. If someone I love would experience this much suffering, I’d want to help that person out. I’d feel compassion for him/her. And my compassionate presence would be soothing for the person I care about.

And because I care about myself and want to soothe myself too, I choose to be compassionate towards myself, even when that’s difficult at times.

In fact, especially when it’s difficult to do, as that’s when I need it the most.

I’m not having an easy time right now, so I choose to be compassionate.”

Use what I wrote. Or (even better) alter the words to make it more personal to you. And then read this to yourself over and over. Perhaps before going to bed, and after waking up. Especially in moments when you feel good.

By repeating this over and over, it starts to become more part of your internal strategy. It’s something you then have as another option, as opposed to only having one option: beating yourself up. Now you can use your self-awareness and choose self-compassion.

You deserve it.

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check out our FAQ, or ask it here, or send it to Lia at [email protected] so she can post it in the forum anonymously.

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